Shadows of the Night

 

As I wrote in my previous post: Music Saved My Life, I said that I was working on a poem that was sparked by Daughtry and his song Rescue Me.  It was sparked by that song, but all of Daughtry's songs, lyrics, etc. have had a profound effect on changing/saving my life and on NOT making me one of the 10% statistics of those who successfully commit suicide that suffer from BPD.  I've tried before (more than once, as about 60-80% of those with BPD have also) and can't guarantee I won't again, but I have more HOPE now than I ever have before.  I also have more support and tools since coming out with my blog and being more open about my disorders and illnesses. I continue to research and learn more about them, and about myself, everyday.  I am a "Recovery In Process" (my new meaning for R.I.P.) and am thankful to ALL of those who have helped Rescue Me. So, here it is:

The blazing magenta of the sun's nightly exit casts bleak shadows on my already clouded mind;
 impending struggle poking and prodding at my tattered soul

Inner demons swirling around my emotions, like a school of sharks ready to feast
The hellish monsters clank their evilness inside the virtually empty glass,
 sliding easily down my parched throat, with their stinging touch and acid-like smugness
The metallic, crimson stained blade casting shadows of imminent gloom upon my already darkening wall; reality quickly fading into the distance

A muffled sound penetrates my hazy, intoxicated filled thoughts
It escalates
It's gripping, raspy, hypnotic

It pulls at me, yanking at my tear stained eyes to open, to notice them

The shadows

Dancing shadows on my wall

These life-like mesmerizing shadows

Swaying methodically to the beat of that deep, dark raspy rhythm

No longer do I heed the vision of the crimson blade tap, tap, tapping on my veins

Instead I sit mesmerized, spell bound, in a trance-like state,

  drawn into this shadowy dance layering my wall, my head with such distraction and amazement    

It's my invitation into their world             

  my invitation to get lost                                                            

  my invitation to be a part of their dance

If only for a few hours, minutes or fleeting seconds, the shadows, they dance with me

  they dance beside me

  they become a part of me

Intertwining souls; tangling lives

Dancing across the cyclonic waves of that raspy, trance-like music as one

They are my lifeboat, my buoy; my saving grace

  these shadows who so get me;

My captivating, intoxicating, mind numbing shadows

  dancing through the night to         Rescue Me.

By: DAB 03/31/2017