Music Saved My Life

Music. It has saved my life on more than one occasion. Daughtry was the biggest part of that.  Late into the night when the monsters tend to come out, listening to music (getting lost in a world where somebody understands, somebody seems to get "it") saved my life  on more than one occasion. 

I would sit in my apartment, alone, drinking, sometimes writing, sometimes throwing things, every time feeling totally alone and worthless.  I was an every day alcoholic at one point.  Alcohol and depression definitely don't go together.  But music, it's always been a part of my life.

I played in the band from 5th through 8th grade, I love to write (stories, poetry, lyrics - anything expressive) and have always listened to a variety of music.  I ALWAYS have music on in the car and it's on 24/7 in the garage.  For me it's kind of like my reading.  I love to read, especially the chick romance stuff and biographies, and that was an escape for me.  When I lived in the SafeHouse (shelter for abused women) for 3 months, I read, ALOT!!!

At one point I read one book a day for 30 days straight!!! That at the time was my escape (no radios).  It was my "what if" in life.  What if my prince charming is still out there?  What if I could turn my life around like some of these people?  What if , what if, what if???  I guess I have always been a hopeless romantic so I cling to some of those hopes still.  Music is the same for me.  It transports me to a land far away from my reality and it's not just the words, it's the feelings.  Music makes me feel like somebody else out their gets how I FEEL.  With my BPD I feel too much.  Non-BPD's don't get my CONSTANT strong feelings, but music gets it.  The artists, they get it, they get me.  Music also brings back memories, brings back feelings, stirs up new ones, makes me think, and the best part about music, especially when the darkness falls around me, is that Music was/is my friend, sometimes what felt like my only friend.

Daughtry.  I first heard him when I was bowling one night.  I walked into the bar to get a drink and I didn't see him on TV, I just heard him. 

I was drawn to his voice and from then on he became my "friend".  As my life twisted, turned, spinning out of control at times, Daughtry became a "very close friend".  All of his CDs that I have all have at least one song on them that skip, etc. from overuse, crying on them, throwing them, etc.  I personally know that if I had not found Daughtry and his music that I would be dead right now.  Some people get it and some people don't, but music can have such a PROFOUND effect on someones life.  At those dark moments, sometimes drinking, sometimes crying, sometimes yelling, sometimes cutting, many times blacking out, sometimes flipping out, it was as if he was the only one that "got it".  His songs resonated with me personally sooooooo much!!!!  I have at least one song on each CD that related with something I was going through at the time.  I know it may sound crazy, but it was almost like he knew.  Each time a new CD would come out, I would find that song that I could, and still can, never get enough of.  And the one that sticks with me the most right now is Rescue Me (I attached a link on the side of this song) which is what prompted me to write the poem that I am going to publish in the next post.

Music can be such a huge influence on anyone's life.  There are so many artists and genres of music out there that it is almost impossible to NOT find something that you can connect with.  And BLARING it (at least for me), that is such a release.  I totally blare the radio when I am driving and if I am stressed, it gets louder and usually more towards Rock N Roll, Heavy Metal, Alternative.  Country tends to bring out the nostalgia in me. 

And there are a few songs that still bring me to tears when I hear them because they remind me of my Dad (my dad passed away almost 14 years ago.  I miss my dad every single day).  I love to watch Bands play (like high school and college) (still wishing I could have been a part of that), love to listen to oldies, country, rock and roll, heavy metal, alternative, some rap, some hip hop, pretty much just about ANYTHING!!!!  And when it comes to music, my boyfriend describes it as a "rain-man" like quality that I have because almost any song that comes on the radio I tend to know most or all of the words.  I can't remember where the hell I put my keys 5 minutes ago or what I was going to say part way through a sentence, but I can remember the words to a song that was written back in the 50s!!!  WTH??  That just brings you back to the mind and what a wonderful, and I still believe, totally misunderstood part of the human anatomy it is.

So, music has, is and always will play an extremely important part in my life.  I haven't been to many concerts in my life, but I just told my boyfriend the other day that it's not just a "Bucket List" item, but that if I was on my deathbed and had one wish, this is what it would be: I would want a front row ticket to a Daughtry concert, with a back stage pass and a Meet-N-Greet .... I would give anything to have a Meet N Greet with Daughtry so that I can thank him for saving my life. 

In those times when I thought I was crazy, or just a stupid, weak drunk, having nowhere to turn, Daughtry was there.  He was there to keep me distracted, he was there to pull me into his world, he was there to listen to me crying and talking and belting out his songs without judgment, and the fact is whenever I needed him, he was always there.  I could be transported into his "dance" anytime I wanted it, anytime I NEEDED it.  He never left me, he never abandoned me, he never passed judgments on my actions or my feelings; and all the while having no idea what he was/is still doing. Daughtry is/was/and probably always will be Rescuing Me.